what a loser i am

how to know when your boyfriend's cheating on you. i have lots of questions in my mind right now. i just google it just now. so many popped up. i really feel like i'm such a loser right now. trust him? i'm trying to. or is it that he doesnt have the balls to break up with me?

i mean i still remember asking him for a break-up not too long ago. is he regretting it that i didnt really separated from him? (he never reads my blog so there's no chance he's reading this) why am i feeling this way? gd question. the answers are i went through his hp, my laptop internet history (cause he used it throughout the week), his MSN and his MSN history of conversations.

here's what i've find out,

1.he goes to this WAP chatting service, mygamma.com
i know he's been going to this chatting thingy but i just didnt know what/where it is from. i checked it out on sat on the web.

2.he spent the weekend at my place. i'm always waking up late these days (its the holidays) so what i got was him going to alamak.com. he chatted morning and night when i was sleeping, babe. but i dont know how long he was online.

3.his MSN chats are with 3 different girls but all are short ones lar. thats ok, i dont think that's a big issue. but it was last time.

OH oh!! here's the best part! he blocked me and my brother in MSN. am i that annoying??!! for god's sake, i'm his freaking GIRLFRIEND!
i couldn't be more shocked when i see that my contact was blocked.

fine, say whatever you want, i'm not trustworthy and i dont trust him cause i looked at his personal stuffs even though he doesnt look at mine.

FUCKING SO WHAT???!!!!!

tell me how to trust him like that (now i remember why i wanted to break up with him so many times and yes, there's more than a 1st, ok!)

so now i know i'm such a loser and my boyfriend thinks that i'm boring cause he doesnt talk to me when he's bored. and most of his hp msgs were other girls which i dont know of. and get this, they msg around the same time as me but he only replies me one or two words and msg a whole chunk to them instead. and yes, i look through his hp!!!
i dont freaking care now! invade his privacy, my ass!