it ain't over till it's over

its been a torturous week for me. the last week tat is. I got into argument and emotional stress. haiz. i thought i wanted it over but when i saw him on wed to talk it out with him. my heart melted instantly. i love him too much to upset him. i dont know what to decide next. i felt like leaving him and at the same time, i don't want to cause i love him seh...

on my part, i feel like i had to leave him cause somehow i feel that he wants to enjoy now and make more girl friends. so i thought if he wants to do it that way, i rather leave him and get hurt eventually. yes, i get jealous easily and what if he'll leave me for someone else? yar, i dont trust him cause of wat happen previously. i dont ask for sympathy but i wanna pour out my feelings.

so he had to make a deal with me. he said, if i want him to stop that, i had to do my part. which is

i had to lose weight.

i told him i will try and so we had a deal. at first, i thought it was unfair, and i felt like an idiot for me to agree on it. its like making me feel that i'm not good enough for him now. but i considered it again, and decided to try to lose weight for me and him.

so i'm back with him now. its like everytime we had an argument, i want out but come to think of it, i'm silly and running away from all the problems we had.

bad hair day? i dont think so.

I went to JE swimming complex today. Its been so long since i went for a dip in the pool. It was great, i tell u, plus i went during the evening so didn't get a tan. thank god! hehehe....

Anyway, I had lots of free time at home so i decided to curl my hair before going out (but no point la, coz i get myself wet in the end). But i really want to do something with my hair after so long of bad hair days. SO it turned out like this...............................

"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"

i love this photo(no arh, i never photoshop, its au naturale)

by this time, it got messier.

but i really love curls for my hair. make my hair look fuller. have to wait for awhile before i can perm my hair again.... haiz...

p/s: SUE, ask me how to curl the next time u do.... hehehehhehe......

penawar hati (antidote for the heart)

I went out to get medicine for my Grans. headed to CGH pharmacy and had lunch there. Nasi lemak at Qiji. DELICIOUS.

Then went ahead to Grans place to pass the medicine to her. She's getting her eye op next fri. Its for her left cataract eye. Poor her, she can't see properly. She's the only grandma I have left.

Anyways, my 'antidote' was to play with Nira. She was asleep when i reached. She woke crying cause i think i wake her up with my voice as i was talking to Grans. hehehehe....

this is pics and videos of cute lil' Nira, my aunt's only daughter.
(Her hair's all messy and stuff, just woke up lar)

sorry

I'm sorry i've caused u nothing but trouble.
U were right when you said I don't deserve ur love.
Don't worry you won't have to see me anymore.
I don't want to cause you anymore problems or make u angry.

I'M SORRY........................

time out

u're rite.

its my ego, my jealousy, my arrogance has caused what happened.

i didn't say u're wrong. coz u're rite about me.
i maybe the imperfect person who dislikes every other creature or human tat i think tries to by-pass me.

i'm sorry i dont trust u.
leave me if u want.
i wont bear a grudge against u.
but dont say u wont leave me coz u became close with my family.

i'm no longer appealing nor attractive to ur eyes.
its still the same, old me.

emotionally disturbed.

To Oppa,

i'm very frustrated, sad and not content at all.. tak puas hati...

this jealousy of mine is burning up in me.
i know i brought it up on friday but i'm not satisfied with it.
yes, i've text u saying u can be friends with them but in my heart, i'm jealous.
the jealousy is eating me inside.
i cant stop thinking how close u would get with her.
knowing that, she always msg u even when its after working hours.
u meet her everyday, spend most of ur day at work.

i maybe the biggest fool. i'm trying to trust u. but i cant seem to.
compromise? if i didnt, i would have made u stop talking with ur girl friends and be a very possessive gf.
butwat special meaning is there btwn us if u can flirt with every other girl?
yes, i'm insecure. tell me which girl isnt?
i have nothing left to say...
watever is going to happen , will happen.... i won't be surprise...

fireworks showcase

here's some photos and videos of the fireworks showcase we went on Friday.

Enjoy!

i had fun... almost...

its over and done with

Goodbye to exams.

Hello Holidays!!!!

next up on the list,

Fireworks-watching.
Tree top walk.
Look for a freaking job so i can buy whatever i want. gee, its been so long.
Fasting.
Hari Raya.
back to school, :( but before that let met enjoy doing nothing!!!

hehe

and yes, exam results which is so nerve-wrecking...

Letoya Luckett - Torn

I've been very down and emotional these days (I've always have been). So every time I'm down, I'll always listening to this song and will cry to sleep (sedih kan). But only after we had our fights, then I'll listen to some Malay jiwang songs. (ok lar, not that jiwang). Some songs that he used to sing to me before we put down the phone (our long-distance phone call btwn Brunei & Singapore, that was 3 years ago). So fast eh? So here's the song I wanna share to all those girls who are confused, in a dilemma. *(NO, this song doesn't give the answer to your dilemma)

A part of me wants to leave you alone.

A part of me wants for you to come home.
A part of me says I'm living a lie.
(And I'm better off without you.)
A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye.
A part of me is asking why...

A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think we're over and done you do something to get me back loving you.
And you got me just torn.

Torn in between the two. (Oh yeah)
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (I really want to be with you)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two. (In between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

There were no issues when we started out.
It was cool.
It was everything that love's about.
But something happened.
Plus I'm feeling so burnt out.
(Cuz I can't understand you now.) Now oh
(I just can't understand you now.)
A part of me says it's all my fault.
A part of me says "he ain't what you want."
A part of me says to get my bags.
A part of me says I can't do that.

A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think that it's over and done you make me fall back in love.
You got me just torn.

So many times I... (I was ready to go)
So many times I... (Had my foot out the door)
So many times I... (I thought to give him a chance, thought he'd be a better man)
Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused.
Cuz I keep fighting myself for you. (I don't know how much more I can take but I can't feel this way)
(You got me so torn)

LeToya Nicole Luckett (born March 11, 1981 in Houston, Texas), known professionally as LeToya, is an American R&B and pop singer-songwriter and actress. She was a founding member of the R&B female group, Destiny's Child with whom she won two Grammy Awards and released many successful commercial recordings. She later was unexpectedly replaced by Michelle Williams.

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LeToya_Luckett

not appreciated at all. (most vulgar entry ever, not for the faint of heart)

OK! Complains again!

I'm filling up my blog post with my complains again! I'm furious, as always!

this time is about the freaking futsal match that Oppa volunteered me into. It all started as me doing a favour for him but it all went wrong last night.

I got a muscle stretch, i think, i don't know la what's it called but it was bloody painful. I was having leg cramps, aches on my right leg and i still went for the stupid futsal training. BECAUSE i wanted to help Oppa. It seems my effort and time was wasted.

We were playing against another girl's team. nurses VS d.technicians.

My right thigh hurts the moment i ran or kicked a ball. To add to my misery, i fell and got scratches on the knee. Same thing happen to another girl in the other team but she got replaced and was attended to. For scratches?? It was bleeding. Mine too!
But I had to continue to play, in spite after telling Oppa, i really cant play cause my thigh hurts so much. Reason for continuing to play: there's no substitute for me so i had to continue.

I'm not asking to be treated like a princess. But please, try to equal here. Oppa's in charge, yes. I'm not and don't want to take advantage of him since he's my boyfriend. BUT HELLO!! I'm like in deep shit here. I need to rest, my thigh hurts and i got this stupid scratches that bothering me. When the other girl, he can let go but me????

Once the game was over, I wanted to rest and relax my thigh muscles BUT someone has to 'put more salt to the f*cking wound'. I said out loud to Oppa when he asked everyone to gather, my leg hurts, I need to rest, I can't stand it!

This F*CKING, IDIOTIC person had to say, 'Complain, Complain!!'
macam sial!! u don't know anything, u don't know wat happen, just shut the f*ck up!
girls, get this! the one who said this, wasnt a girl but a mother-f*cker who cant speak properly.
ITS A F*CKING GUY! MALE! KNN!!! CCB!!! P*NDEK!! P*KI SAMA DIA!!!

(mulut macam sundal! nak lawan pompan bebual ke! tahu nak kutuk orang je)

I'm not a guy. i don't play soccer like mad. i don't play soccer until i get myself injured to the core. i know my so-called injuries are minor. i cant stand pain. its my life. who are u to f*cking judge me, remark abt me in front of everyone?

here i am trying to do a favour for Oppa, to play soccer for the team, and this is wat i get in return??

That's it. I'm N.O.T P.L.A.Y.I.N.G!!!!! (pegi mampos)

and

TO OPPA,

i'm giving u props for being SO professional in this. Thanks a lot.
well done, good job! If there's anybody who can do that job, it'll be U!
thanks for forgetting me as ur gf last nite and good job on being very professional.

i dont want to share this shit with u on the phone cause i know wat u'll say. so there's no point of me talking to u. don't apologise cause it'll bound to happen again. I don't think u mean it everytime u apologise. so f*ck it!

to those reading and think, i'm a drama queen or i always complain abt my bf,
GET OVER IT!
this is MY blog! i write wat i want.

*****UPDATE*****
p/s: I'm going to watch the match but not playing. I wanna support my Oppa lar. I know I was mad at him the last time but I love him too much lar... yes, yes.. i'm very confused, fickle-minded girl now. but I really really love him lar!!

exam fever!

I'm down with flu and bad cough. here's the 'good' news, my 1st paper is this freaking friday!!

this is by far, the most slackest of me preparing for the major semester exam. Gila kan!

and hmm, i'm also playing futsal for Oppa. His girls' team not enough people, his 'dear' girls backed out at the last minute. hmmm.... Oppa, don't trust girls too easily. Some of them are learning the traits of men, if u know wat i mean.

Next!! Some questions to be answered;

1. Is it a girl's nature to be jealous if the boyfriend start to talk to other girls without her knowing, and on top of that, he praises other girls instead of praising the girlfriend?

2. Is it a boy's nature to flirt around with other girls even though they have a girlfriend?

3. Is it a girl's nature to ask a lot of questions when they know what the reply is?

4. Is it a boy's nature to take things lightly and pretend nothing happened the next day when he argued with the girlfriend the day before?

lastly,

5. What's the meaning of having a SPECIAL girlfriend/boyfriend when the other party or both parties (in some cases) flirts around??

I've always ask myself these questions but never got the right answer yet.

What's your say on this?

p/s: ok, i'm better get back to revision. Later~!

worst of them all

My argument with Oppa made me realise a few things about my relationship with him. He maybe a demanding boyfriend who wants the girlfriend to listen to him all the time but his main intention was to make me happy now and for the future. I dont agree with him sometimes but his intention is good.

I thought i can pull through this and end it all for once but deep down in my heart yearns for him. I kept telling myself that the next time it happens and i got hurt badly, i'm gonna leave him. I was cool, no tears until Sunday night. I can't sleep for some reason and was awake at 2am. I started to text him and assumed he was asleep. He replied though, we kept texting each other till about 430 in the morning.

I can't hold back my tears when he told me not to leave and torment him like this. I'm not going to reveal too much on our conversation coz i wanna respect him as a person and sort of our privacy.

It all started with a disagreement on his expenses and that birthday party which i was supposed to attend. He sent me a text asking whether i wanna go out with my GFFs and their BFs. So i forgo the party and looked forward to go out with the people i loved spending time with. Ever since Oppa introduced me to his friends and GFs, i grown fond of them. They're really fun to be with. Anyways, back to the topic, since i forgo the party and anxiously waiting for Oppa text to go out, he didn't text me or call until it was 6pm when i sent a text. He was sleeping and decided not to go out instead.

I WAS DAMN FURIOUS, OK!

make me wait for u, then u say don't want to go out! I could have gone out for the party, right? but, he said instead we should go for the party instead since we dont have to use our money to eat and all.. HELLLO!!! if i'm going to the party, i would want to go out earlier and buy something for the birthday person lar!!! the party starts at 7pm, its about 630pm when he decide we should go for the party. tell me, wouldn't you be freaking angry!!!???

So argument started, yada yada yada......

I told him I so pissed at him that I don't want to meet him on Sunday 'cause we have soccer every Sunday at Pasir Ris park. But he insisted that he wants to come. I really told him off that I really don't want to meet him. He's so persisted and stubborn. That's 2 things i dont really like about him. Always wanting to do his way.

On that fateful Sunday itself, imagine we were both at the same place together in front of my family and yet i didn't utter a single word to him. And so, being the insecure girlfriend that i am, i checked his inbox in his hp. (go read my old posts, and u'll know why) Girls again! Different ones some more! I was hurt, disappointed, frustrated and filled with rage!!!!

I FELT LIKE CRYING, IN FRONT OF MY MUM!

I held it back, and argued more with him that night. I asked for a break-up 'cause I had enough! We exchanged texts and i managed not to tear. Even i was surprised, ok! But what changed my mind was, how my love for him is stronger than i thought and how sincere he was when he called. When he told me, he would love me till the day he die, WE cried together. I could hear him cry. Call me, weak and i admit it. He, Iskhandar Zulkarnain, who has change my life, my whole being as a person throughout my time with him. I don't think i can make it without him.

There won't be a wedding

yet another argument so fat hopes on a wedding. i want out!

CRAZY wedding (Response to Sue's blog post)

This is a response for Sue's entry on marriages!

I know now its not the time to think about all this things cause exams are around the corner.

As she said in her blog, (hahah) that i wanna wear a chinese wedding outfit for one of my wedding photos. BUT, the photo she put wasn't exactly what i had in mind. so i decided to google and found the one i want.

here it is....

http://c3po.barnesos.net/~polaris/ChinaWed/Imperial.html

i know, i know... very corny.. but Oppa and i will wear that... so funny lar....

and also maybe i would wanna wear Korean wedding outfit, Hanbok, but the make-up looks scary ar...

and last but not least....

Oppa decided to wear this when he comes to 'claim' me....

http://www.buystarwarscostumes.com/uploads/darth_vader_authentic.jpg

and with tat, we're not using 'kompang'/hadra, he wanted to have a bagpipers march behind him.. haiz.... gasak ko lar nak!

http://www.standrewsepiscopal.net/Images/bagpipers4.gif

while he's wearing the darth vader costumes, i tot of wearing this in return but somehow the make up turn me off... and i like the one in white! like gown eh? but the make up still look the same... SUE tell Maiya that she needs to know how to make up like this... see below***

http://www.buystarwarscostumes.com/uploads/queen_amidala.jpg

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/Postcards/LC1013.JPG

this is indeed the craziest wedding i would ever dream of having... its like, this morning I was talking abt wedding to Charlyn and then with Sue on our way back home... ahahhahah.. i gave her suggestions while she was thinking what to wear for her 'malam berinai' or nowadays its just studio phototaking!

p/s: i told Char and Sue that if ppl can do their henna till the elbow, i wanna do my whole arm! ahahha sounds and will look stupid lar... then as for the legs, not up till the ankle but till the knee!! wakakakakaka!!!